I am a medium.

 

And when I look at my life from this perspective, a lot of things suddenly make sense. For a long time, I didn't really feel at home on this earth. Being human, my body, relationships, the whole density of life – for me, none of that was ever a given.

 

I know emotional pain. The kind no one sees. I know profound loneliness, rejection, and the feeling of being fundamentally flawed. I know a life without a stable sense of self and without an inherent sense of worth. And I know the experience of perceiving people so deeply and becoming their mirror so directly that encounters are not always pleasant or easy—neither for them nor for me.

 

For a long time, I had no language for it.

 

Today I understand much of it in the context of my history and my traumas. And some things I understand spiritually. I've always felt like an outsider, sometimes like I'm from another planet, and to this day, incarnation feels less like a given and more like a task.

 

Perhaps my greatest task in this life is to truly be here.

 

Not just floating somewhere above my body, not just perceiving, feeling, and knowing, but also being present and fully present within my body, with all its feelings, emotions, and reactions. Anchoring myself within it and allowing my soul to find expression through it.

 

That's why working with the body touches me so deeply. I myself have only recently learned that spirituality doesn't mean leaving this world, but on the contrary: going ever deeper into it. Ever deeper into life, into the body, into remaining.

 

I am still sensitive. I still experience rejection. I doubt myself, stumble, sometimes lose my footing and find it again. I don't want to turn this into a story where everything is healed and resolved in the end.

 

This is my humanity. And my mediumistic abilities are an integral part of it.

 

Today I dedicate my perception and abilities to my work. Not because I've mastered life, but because I know it—even the painful parts, the parts where we're at a loss, and the parts where it simply seems like there's nothing to be done. For me, that's the dedication that life is all about.

 

Who are you when you no longer control and surrender to the flow of life? What happens then?